Oceans 8 – Your revision statement is a 1-2 page double-spaced statement that re

Oceans 8 – Your revision statement is a 1-2 page double-spaced statement that relates to me how you incorporated the feedback received from your peers and me into your final essay. You can do this in a bulleted list. You can do this as an audio recording (if so aim for 3 minutes or so). How did you incorporate peer feedback and my feedback into your revisions, and how helpful was the feedback you received? What did you learn from working on this project? The goal of the statement is for me to see how you are incorporating feedback into your revision. Teachers input- Submission Feedback
Overall Feedback
Nice job with the introduction. It clearly leads into an evaluative claim which sets me up for how to read the review. Submission Feedback
Overall Feedback
Good job with the design changes at the beginning of the piece. I wish that you had been able to address a little bit of the content to strengthen things, based on my feedback.
I would say that the review is not just informative, but persuasive, which it should be. Nice work with that. Also, solid work on the cinematography paragraph.
In terms of what the review still needs, here are some thoughts.
1) You have this great line “Ocean’s 8 effectively uses its star-studded cast to ensure that the movie remains impressionable long after it ends.” that doesn’t get fully supported. You describe the different members of the cast, but you don’t quite show us how they make this movie “impressionable long after it ends.” Play around and see what you can do with that.
2) Since this is a female departure from the typical Oceans series, you might have a paragraph to show what this approach adds for the viewer/why such an approach was a solid choice. This would help I think in terms of your question about appeal to a female audience.
3) Part of the assignment is to have a clear idea of where this might be published on the web. You don’t mention that, so right now, it is not designed/its visual look to resemble other reviews that are appearing on that web site.

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